J.: February 2012

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Dentistry

I don't find going to the dentist an enjoyable activity and here is why:
They lure you in. They say nice things like, "I love your purse", and "Your boots look comfy". Then they sit you in a chair, put a vest on you, and then put those gaggy x-ray trays in your mouth. In all honesty I can handle those gaggy trays, I can handle those hideous bibs, and I can even handle the cleaning. But what I cannot, CANNOT handle is flossing. I think they use barbed wire on me. And bless the hygienist's heart, she shoved that barbed wire into my gums like she had a vendetta against them. Anyway, after the flesh-ripping floss session they give you a toothbrush.
And then they leave you to lick your wounds while you wait for the dentist. The dentist could be the nicest man in the world, but the second he informs you that you have a cavity, he becomes the enemy. That, my dear friends, is the epitome of insult to injury.
In case you didn't figure, this happened to me. But the story gets better (or worse-depending on who you care about). I went back for my filling and he numbed me. Then he came back and was about to start drilling when he uttered this well-meant, ironic sentence:
"Okay, raise your hand if you feel anything. Relax!"
Ya I'll just do that, sir. You are about to drill holes into my mouth and you want me to relax? And to just flutter my hand in the air if I happen to feel it?
You have got to be kidding me. These hands will be all up in your grill if I even think I might feel something!
Luckily (for both of us), it didn't come to that. He got the job done and I didn't feel a thing.
But now I feel like I have lockjaw. I have lived on water, Swedish Fish, and a baked potato that was practically turned into mashed potatoes. Hopefully tomorrow writes a better tale.

Am I the only one who feels this way?